but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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