Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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