member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
