Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
