Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
