So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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