And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
