I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
