:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
