It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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