He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
3 2 1 whiskey
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
