I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
