maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
