i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
