i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
