She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
