we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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