with your own penis?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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