My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize