He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
