This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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