Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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