i dedicated my morning wood to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
