I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
