My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
