Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
