He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
