I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He better not be in your backpack
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
