Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
