the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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