I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
