Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
one might say we're banned from that church
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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