Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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