is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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