I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize