was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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