So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
