apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need water and some morals
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
