I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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