worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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