**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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