Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I supernannyed him into submission
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
