my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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