I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
