I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
And then he peed in my hair
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