Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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