we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
