Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
