i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
