Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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