So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize