my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
