You're completely useless in the revolution.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
