Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
