I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you never un-have a 4some
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
