There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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