no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
