So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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