I want to have your abortion
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
operation harelip BJ is a go
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
