wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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