So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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