He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
