why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
