i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize