yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
