So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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