Define "chronic" masturbator.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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