Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
