Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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