I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
