Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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