normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
