I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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