So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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