So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this boner is exhausting
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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