Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
time to smoke my breakfast
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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