Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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