we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
