$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
