Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Randomize
