it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
