Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
