It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
