btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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