it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
