ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
