Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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